Superstars Need Not Use Contractions

"To really be apart of it is beyond what I've ever thought. It's kind of like I'm living the dream right now. Hopefully, don't nobody pinch me."
- Lebron James on his first NBA Finals appearance

There's definite intrigue when a star of Lebron James' magnitude sits down for an interview. It's not all that often that a superstar is candid about the way he or she feels about an upcoming series, event, or life situation. However, the anticipation of a solid interview can easily disconnect the ideal that your favorite athlete is all that intelligent.

I understand that football players suffer from concussions, that great basketball players don't get a college education, and that most athletes in baseball speak English as a secondary language, but is it too much to ask that one use a contraction properly? I mean, really. I understand that "don't" is often tricky and commonly used in sentences that establish a double negative, but at what point do people become liable for simple sentences?

If I were a commissioner, I would propose a rule that not one person in the league be allowed to use contracted words. My policy would strictly be under the assumption that contractions, and the relative sentence structure in which they are used, might bear greater responsibility on the athletes than they are capable of handling. Surely, the obligation to be clutch with game winning shots is a different kind of pressure, one that requires merely skill and lacks any superior cognitive functioning. However, the post game interview? Well, I wouldn't set anyone up to be criticized by the seventh grade boys club basketball star who was watching and subsequently leaned to his parent to ask if his hero's double negative was grammatically correct. Teachers in America already face an uphill battle. Arguing with your teacher that "don't nobody" is a correct form of English because Bron Bron used it in a sentence is not what our education system needs at the moment.

So let's all be advocates for non-contracted words.*

*Rule doesn't apply if you're in pick up games. In such a case, do not mention my name or blog to anyone of relative incompetence.