Irrational Fears

Let me start this out by saying that I'm not scared of much. I don't think that makes me tougher than the average person, I think it just means that most of my fears are irrational.

My semi-rational fears include: wasps/bees/yellow jackets, scorpions, falling from a high elevation, and getting eaten by a shark. These things cause me fear because they will all consistently cause pain or introduce me to death, I am not a very big fan of either.

I don't like pain. I am not ashamed to admit that I run every time a bee is near me, I beat a scorpion abount 50 times with a shoe (not mine) just to make sure it's dead, I never get close to the edge when I'm in elevated locations, and I don't swim past the roped off areas in oceans. So as far as rational fears go, my bases are covered.

What I am unsure of is whether or not my irrational fears will consume me. These are the fears that I control, but wish I didn't. I mean, I wish they were under control, sort of like breathing, then life would be a lot simpler.

At work a couple of weeks ago I had to sit through a boring presentation. Forty other people attended this training seminar, but somehow I figured that 40 other people did not share the same senseless fear that I had. Ten minutes into the hour and a half seminar I felt an urge. It was a familiar urge, an irrational fear if you will. It was an urge to yell something really loud, it didn't matter what it was, it just needed to be loud. I was thinking "balls". I knew that would grab the attention of everyone in the room and the thought became so appealing. I knew the moment would have been embarrassing, but in my head I knew I would be able to laugh at it later. Nevertheless, it was up to me to control and suppress my fear and I was worried that the urge would grow stronger and stronger. I knew I couldn't yell in a quiet room, my social skills held me accountable, but the fact that I wasn't supposed to made me want to do it anyway (or was it that pint-sized guy on my right shoulder?).

I have other ridiculous fears too. I don't attend a whole lot of weddings, but when I do I can't relax until I've made it through the part where the priest asks the congregation if anyone objects to the wedding. While I sit patiently, my palms sweat as I think about being the one to object. I think about standing up, proclaiming in a loud voice that "I do", and then telling everyone that I have always wanted to do that when asked why I objected. It wouldn't have anything to do with who is getting married, my ideology of marriage, or anything else. It would have everything to do with the fact that I know I shouldn't, that I know I have no reason to object, and that nobody else ever does. The 21st century could do me a favor and take that question out of there. Until then, it's just another fear I have to keep a close eye on.

I hate backing up in parking lots. I have a fear of hitting someone as I back up. That may sound rational and I agree that it is, but what isn't is that I have a fear of running someone over and pulling back up and running over them again in a state of panic, which then transfers my rational fear into an irrational one. I hope this never happens, but the fact that I am capable of it creeps me out. I don't completely relax until I'm moving forward (and nobody is lying on the pavement).

I only get to sit and think about my next absurd fear when I'm in the process of getting pulled over (which, lucky for me, is on rare occasions). Maybe I have watched too many episodes of COPS or too many OJ Simpson car chases in my lifetime, but I fear that one day, when a cop is trying to pull me over, I will slam on the gas pedal and try to outrun him. Let me stress the fact that I would never have any reason to do this (unless of course you count that one time when my stomach was grumbling and...well, nevermind). I've seen the shows and I'm no fool, nobody EVER gets away, unless you work in fast food and you talk to the guy with the Dale Earnhardt hat, he has a story for everything. I wouldn't try to outrun the police to get away, I just know that I'm not supposed to...and that the thought always crosses my mind, even if it's just for a split second.

The probabilities of getting eaten by a shark are way better than any of my irrational fears actually taking place (unfortunately), but they are still fears. I'll never yell an incoherent word or sentence in the middle of a meeting, object to a marriage I could care less about, back up and run someone over only to pull up and run them over again, or try to outrun the cops, but the fact that I am capable of doing them and have been trained not to since my conception makes me want to. So until I actually carry one of these things out they will always be fears of mine, but if I ever do you'll be the first to know.

Please Add $10 To My Already Expensive Tuition and Fees

It's only the second week of school and I already have a parking ticket. I knew I would get one the moment I left my car, but I had no choice. Ok, maybe I did have a choice. My other option would have been to drive around campus for the entire hour and a half I was scheduled to be in class and try to find somewhere to park. I'm sure I could have found a parking spot and made it to class for the last 10 minutes. I should have done that. Oh well, I know that paying my tuition and book fees aren't enough for this large public college. But I have some better ideas.

I think one of the best ideas to generate revenue is to stop issuing tickets to college students who can barely afford the rising costs of gas prices and start eliminating the salaries of those people who drive around and write these meaningless tickets. If I am correct, there are two people who drive around in a little golf cart and issue tickets while students are in class learning (the students who actually GO to class by the way). Cut their positions and I'm sure the university can save at least $40,000. Is it really worth paying two people an average of $20,000 (so it's a wild estimate) to generate a ticket revenue of a maximum of $3,000 a year (once again, that's another estimate)? If you eliminate the ticket fairies you solve two problems. First and foremost, you save money for the monetary hungry institution known as Midwestern State University. Secondly, you create more parking spaces because more people will be allowed to park illegally, with the only exception being that you can't park in a handicap spot if you aren't handicap because that's like slapping a man with no arms.

I don't think that will happen though, it almost makes too much sense and if there is anything that I have learned from state institutions it's that things that make sense usually don't happen. As a result, I suggest that students start writing tickets for what the university doesn't do right, such as not creating enough parking spaces, interferring with my ability to concentrate on my academics (by putting my registration on hold until I pay the MSU police for my past due tickets), and for having a really crappy local educational access channel. I propose that the ticket costs be pro-rated to each students tuition and fees costs so that we all come out even. Then maybe they'll get the idea.

When I went to pick up my parking sticker I noticed a sign that said tickets cannot be paid for in large amounts of change. I sense that my ticket frustration is not unique, but I never thought it was. I hate tickets of any sort. And I hate universities who enforce them like they are going out of style.

Don't Take It Personal New Orleans Part 2

I don't say very many things that I regret, mainly because I think about what I'm going to say long before I say it. I'm really thankful that somewhere in my 24 year existence I learned to analyze my thoughts and opinions fairly and from every perspective. I'm pretty good at seeing both sides of a story. I'm also the first person to admit when I am wrong or when I said or did something I never really believed in. And believe it or not, I have been known to change my mind about how I feel towards some things. That's the reason I am writing this amendment to what I wrote about those victims who stayed back in New Orleans.

When I wrote the "Don't Take It Personal New Orleans" I must admit that I intially didn't think it was as bad as it has become. I didn't think that the death toll would be as high as it is. I didn't realize that 24% of Lousiana residents are poor. I didn't think about the storm, which changed from a category 3 hurricance to a category 5 as it passed through the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico. I failed to take it all in. I admit that I wrote part 1 because I was frustrated that so many people were in trouble and were succeptable to death. I'm sure that many who stayed in New Orleans didn't want to, but due to the high price of gas (even before the hurricane) and the lack of transportation they probably did not have a choice. I don't think anybody intially thought it was going to be as bad as it was, even the government.

Say what you will about the slow response, but with every national tragedy it is easy to see the good. We see that, once again, Americans will do any and everything to help people who need it. Our country, as divided as it can be sometimes, is one of compassion and consideration. Politics aside, we are capable of doing great things for one another. And it doesn't get much better than that. People have traveled to New Orleans to help with the victims, have donated money, and have taken people into their homes. That's the real story and what makes me proud to be an American (..."where at least I know I'm free"...).

My Thoughts On Cindy Sheehan

I shouldn't even know the name Cindy Sheehan, but now that I do I wish that I didn't. If you haven't heard of her by now then let me give you the cliff notes version of who she is. She is a mom of an American soldier who died in Iraq. After her son's death she camped out on the side of the main road that leads to the President's ranch in Crawford, Tx. with the hopes of getting to speak to the President about the war. She was determined not to move until she had the opportunity to meet with George W. Bush, for the second time (she had already met him once and described the meeting as "genuine and sincere"). Because there was nothing else significant going on in the news at this time, the liberal media made her a lead story and focused their attention on her quest to speak with the President.

As a result of the president meeting with her once already, not to mention that he is a president in the middle of a war, he sent two of his advisers to speak with her. This was not good enough for Ms. Sheehan and, as a result, she (who was married before this ordeal, but was soon after divorced) stayed and began to attract supporters of the anti-war movement. If you are curious as to who she attracted I'll run some names for you: Michael Moore, Al Franken, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and other left wing fanatics. Sheehan started writing blogs on Michael Moore's website and associating herself with an obvious political agenda. Her protest was no longer a simple request, and it became apparent that she was no longer simply a grieving mother desperate for answers, she was now someone who was influenced to be a spokeswoman for a so called "peace movement". This "peace movement" now plans on touring 25 states on their way to Washington D.C. for a Sep. 24th anti-war March.

The purpose of this "peace movement" is to have the president withdraw troops from Iraq and bring American soldiers home. They believe that the war is unjustified and that occupying Iraq until the area is more stable is unnecessary. Ms. Sheehan says that staying in Iraq "has no noble cause", but then again what does she know?

I feel sorry for anyone who has lost a relative or loved one in Iraq, I really do. I don't like war, I don't like death, and I don't like the after effects. But then again I am a realist and I understand two things: 1) Everyone can look around them and come to a logical conclusion that this world isn't right. Violence and bloodshed has and always will be the reality anchor to humankind. There is no getting around that and as much as I'd like for that to disappear in this world, evil in any form will always prevent that from happening. 2) Whether or not the Iraq war was a mistake no longer makes a difference. We are there now and if we leave anytime before the Iraqi's are ready to take over then Iraq will be the breeding grounds for lawlessness and a honeycomb for terrorists. It would be like living in the most corrupt city with few well trained police officers.

But it's not about a lost son to Ms. Sheehan anymore. If that were the case then her grieving would have been over by now. It's become something greater than that, a chance to grab the spotlight and shine in the face of publicity. Sure, she may believe that her motives are pure. In fact, they very well may be. However, she fails to think logically because she is riding on a wave of emotional motivation, one in which the liberals and left wing media have exploited for their unrealistic agenda.

For Ms. Sheehan, there is no noble cause in Iraq. So the decision boils down to leaving Iraq now and letting it go to waste, allowing it to become one of the most corrupt middle eastern countries in the world or to honor America and finish a job we said that we were going to finish. The now liberal mom chooses the first option. As for me, I choose the latter. That doesn't mean I think more deaths are acceptable (I believe that's an unfortunate part of it) or that I don't want our troops to come home as soon as possible, it just means that if we want any part of this war to remain noble then we have to finish what we went there to do. And as for Ms. Sheehan, she has no business in Texas.