What Will Save Hockey

I'm not much of a hockey fan, but I'd definitely watch no holds barred shows like this.

Malibu Healed By Nature

If you had any doubt about Malibu and his oneness with mother nature then you should probably watch this video. The secrets of an American Gladiator:

The Earnest Prayer of My Childhood

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him" (1 John 5:14-15).

I remember when I was little my mom told me that if I prayed hard enough God would give me anything that I wanted. Maybe she wasn't as vague, I'm sure the filter to what I wanted to hear manipulated a rather clearer truth, but to me that's how her sentence translated. So every other night that my mind wasn't cluttered with the lingering thoughts and bitterness of having to go to bed before the sun had set, I would pray the best I could to a God that I thought wanted me to have free things. I would pray the same thing every time. I would ask God to give me a bunch of toys and to put them on my roof. I can't imagine how different my current life would be if that prayer was granted, but I always recollect on little Justin with a smile and think, "atta kid, way to go for the gold".

Code Adam

After a joyous few weeks of having it, I have lost my ipod shuffle. I have absolutely no idea where it is and think that someone may have taken it from my car or some place similar.

It was perfect, stayed in a good mood, and was always a great conversationalist. I will miss you shuffle, but I must find a replacement soon.

R.I.P.

Titanic IM Convo

The 21st century version of Titanic.

Office Platoon

I have never worked in an office environment, but I can sort of understand office humor.

The Craziness of My Misperceptions

I consider myself to be a pretty self aware person, but it wasn't until recent years that I have learned that my sense of self is surprisingly inept. I'm confused and perplexed at how other people perceive me. And the gap between how I think people perceive me and how they really do always resets my cognitive pre-perceptions, which makes me question a lot of what I do.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. If I were to metaphysically remove myself from my first person perspective and inhabit someone across the room or table from me I would be curious as to how my new third person self would perceive my first person reactions and conversation. I generally find myself pretty boring so I probably wouldn't be all that impressed. Not that I have impressed anyone with conversation, but I'm sure you understand my point. I even wonder if I would make myself laugh. I laugh at myself all of the time, but that's because all the funny things I say are photogenically transcribed in my mind before I say them. That's why I'm typically not good at one liners or the telling of prefabricated jokes.

I wonder if anyone who is self aware also has a strong sense of self. I'm also curious if one could have the reverse effect. I suppose there are people like that. Actors, elite salesmen, celebrity icons are all people who understand how others perceive them and manipulate their behavior accordingly, to attain their most desired result.

That's why I never really made a good salesman. I was more concerned about how annoying sales pitches were and would spare customers the grief. I wanted to help people, not sell them something they didn't need. I was more the wikipedia than the infomercial and I think people really appreciated that. If people wanted it they waned it, if they didn't they didn't. I couldn't have cared less. I had a lemonade stand once and it sucked. I had lemonade there in case anyone was driving by and thirsty, but I wasn't going to make a spectacle about lemonade being the most thirst quenching drink while driving your car through a neighborhood and seeing two little kids with a jug of lemonade and dixie cups. I probably made fifty cents, with my parents secretly slipping in the other quarter.

As of today, I'm still surprised when the kids at work are yelling my name and giving me dap every time they see me. I wish I could experience that metaphysical transformation for a day, so I'd begin to understand that and see myself from someone else's perspective. I wonder how my life would change. I wonder if it would change at all. Then again, I'd probably grow a pony tail and yell at people to buy my new exercise machine.

Family Guy - Jaws 5

"Let I Get This Straight"

Homey the Clown fun

Decisions

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I loved high school. I think it was mostly because I played sports and I had an opportunity to do great things with that. Had I been more insightful at the time, I would have realized that I needed that structure in my life and went to play college baseball. It's not that I didn't make an effort, it's just that the effort I made was poor. After my senior season of baseball, I decided that playing in college was something that I wanted to do. I knew the opportunity was there if I wanted it so I gave in, partially.

A teammate and I were scheduled to go to a couple of junior colleges to try out, but for three weekends in a row they were rained out. I took that, and the fact that I didn't have reliable transportation, as a sign that I should stay and attend school at MSU. It was a bad decision. Normally, staying home and attending college wouldn't be such a bad idea, but for me that wasn't the case. Seven years later I still don't have a degree.

I was working with Ronnie today when I came across something weird, a bunch of dried up worms on patio concrete. I felt bad for them, they weren't alive any longer. I take that back. Technically, I didn't feel bad for them because "they" were no longer "them", but you get the idea. That empathy lasted a few seconds before I thought "worm WTF. what are you doing on concrete in the first place?" Sure it had rained, but those worms made the decision to stay way longer than the wetness of the patio and it's at that point that their lack of survival had to become unempathetic.

The worm story goes way beyond empathy though. Here's the context: Originally, the worm thought he made the right decision. He wanted some patio wetness. Thinking that he or she would spend time lounging on concrete, it didn't think about its options once the rain stopped and things began to dry up. The clouds parted and the sun came out and someone was left out to dry, guess who.

I've been out of school for 7 years and during that time I have wasted a lot of time thinking that I could lounge around forever. The rain stopped, the clouds opened up, and I have come close to drying. I've been unchallenged, unmotivated, uninspired, and have created a world that lacks any structure when that is something I require to be successful.

I succeeded in school because I had to. I was in AP classes because I knew that I would be challenged and I liked that. I couldn't fail because I played sports, I was motivated. I looked at the success of my peers and wanted to match that, I was inspired. So now, left with a decision to make, I want to look fear in the face again. I want to know that I have nobody but myself to fall back on. Maybe that will finally light a fire under my ass and maybe I'll finally start moving forward. Or maybe I'm just making another unwise decision. Nevertheless, as many dried up worms as I saw, there had to be some that made it back to the earth where it is being enriched and getting fat, just so that stubborn bird will wake up one morning and take him. But at least he made it back.

Ninja's on decisions:

So I'm going to give this thing a spin one more time. I used to update it all the time and it was, for a period of time, an avenue to practice communicating the completely random and crazy thoughts that run through my head during any given day. Then myspace came along and it had the blogging features so I started blogging there since I figured people in a network didn't really want to go outside of that to read some random rants from a guy named Justin. Yet, we come full circle.

If you haven't already heard, I'm moving. Big shock to some, other still don't believe I'll actually do it. But eh, I've gotta get away while I'm still unmarried and experience something that I've yet to experience. Living in a city where I know less than three people. I'd rather move somewhere out of state, in a different city, with a different culture, but this will do for now. The costs of moving anywhere else would be a lot higher and I'm sort of unprepared for that at the moment.

It should be an exciting adventure. We shall see.

Here's the Interrupter: