The Holidays and Small Talk

The Thanksgiving holiday just ended and I got a chance to see and spend time with a lot of people who came in for the holidays. I also got a chance to see what Wichita Falls traffic is like when nobody has to work. My shoulders are sore from bumping into shoppers looking for their next item on their non-existent list and from trying to manuever my way around crowded sports bars.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite two holidays of the year. I get to experience some great meals that I could never make myself, receive some hopefully cool gifts that I am too lazy to actually buy on my own, and get paid time off from work for all of the holidays that come up. I like seeing all the Christmas lights, the feeling of cold weather, warm fireplaces, and on some occasions, pumpkin pie and eggnog.

But something that I have never really enjoyed when seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time or talking to people that I didn't know very well in high school is all the small talk that is involved with that. It's not that I don't enjoy seeing these people, it's just that I don't enjoy asking the same questions and generating the same responses each and every time I talk to someone different, as if I have some type of pull string in the middle of my back. I think some people might agree with me.

It's not that I am impersonal either. It's just that I don't like the repetition, the awkwardness of having run out of questions, and the possibilities of having an inconclusive ending to the conversation. How many times have you seen someone you knew and ran out of things to ask? How many times has the feelings of awkwardness followed that moment, as if one such thing was the product of the other? How many times have you, after there is a moment of silence, had to think of ways to depart without making the situation even more uncomfortable or seem insincere? And how many times were you left with a conversation that was never concluded, as a result of someone else coming up and saying hi to that person? What do you do during the wait-for-that-other-conversation-to-end grace period? What is the grace period for waiting on someone to come back to an interrupted conversation? And do you just leave without saying anything or is a simple "good talking to you" line required?

It's just best to not have to deal with any of those questions. But unless you're a jerk you can't NOT talk to someone after you see someone you know and they have made direct eye contact with you. The pretending you didn't see them trick lost all credibility after high school. And the turning your head the other way thing dug its grave a long time ago as well.

Not to sound like an infomercial, but I have created the perfect solution. It's called a small talk card. The small talk card is like a business card. It's created to fit in any pocket so that when you leave the house you can take them with you, just in case. Now you don't have to worry about all of the questions posed in paragraph number four.

Upon the initial interaction, you recite a greeting and pull one of these handy items right out of the location that you established for it. If the other person is keen to this new way of communicating then you might just get one back. You can take the card, view it at your own pleasure and do whatever you want with it afterwards. No more thinking of questions, which will probably be retarded since it's thought of in a pressure situation, no more awkwardness, and no more having to worry about being on hold and wondering what the grace period for waiting is. The small talk card can even be given out to other people. For example, if I saw someone and I knew that someone next to me had their small talk card I could ask them to see it and know all about what's going on without getting into anything generic and under a minute long.

Now the holidays can be the holidays without the feeling of a high school reunion. If I could only create something to make stores less crowded...wait, I thought the internet was supposed to do that.

It Is Probably Not A Good Idea For Me To Go To New York City Soon

Because I like to be consistent, I was late leaving for work again today. I live about two houses down from a pretty busy street called Brooke. I say that because I typically wait until I get to the stop sign to put on my seat belt. I figure the odds of me having a fatal car crash in the twenty feet leading up to it are pretty slim. It wasn't until today that that logic was undermined. I didn't have a car wreck, but as I pulled up to the stop sign I didn't have my seat belt on either. Normally this would be ok, but things aren't normal when a motorcycle cop drives by and stares at your non protected chest.

I thought I was safe at this point. No I didn't. He slowed down and pulled into an adjacent parking lot. He then turned around and was waiting for me to pull out, while staring right at my car the entire time.

I wrote a blog a while back about an irrational fear that I have about running from the cops. Luckily, this temptation didn't cross my mind. I waited for a few minutes to turn, but as soon as I did I found the lights in my rear view window. I wasn't really nervous though. I figured that unless he was a jerk I could explain to him that I had just left the house and that I was about to put my seat belt on. He came up to the window and asked for my license and registration. 10 minutes later he came back and asked for my social security number which I thought was weird. He also asked for my weight. He then went back to his motorcycle for another five minutes, came back, and asked me if I had ever been to New York City. I thought he was leading me into a joke or just making small talk. "No, but I would like to go someday." He then asked me how long I have lived in Wichita Falls. I told him I have lived here my whole life. "Do you have any tattoos," he asked. "Uh no." He told me that the reason he was asking me was because a Henry Justin Ozuna has a warrant out in New York City for dangerous drugs. I asked the officer how old this guy was and he said that he has the same birthdate as I do. I thought this was hilarious and had a hard time keeping my laughter in. If I would have been taken to jail then I would have at least had an excuse to miss work. Not only that, it would have been a great story!

My full name is Justin Henry Ozuna. I don't have any tattoos and I haven't been to New York City. I wouldn't know what to do with dangerous drugs and have no idea where to get them. I don't even know which drugs are considered dangerous.

Luckily, he believed me because this guy had a different social security number than I do. But the better news was that I ended up with a warning instead of a ticket. In fact, I didn't even get anything. He just let me go. But the best part of the whole deal was that I had an excuse to be late to work. Maybe waiting until I get to the stop sign to put my seat belt on isn't such a bad idea after all.