The Craziness of My Misperceptions

I consider myself to be a pretty self aware person, but it wasn't until recent years that I have learned that my sense of self is surprisingly inept. I'm confused and perplexed at how other people perceive me. And the gap between how I think people perceive me and how they really do always resets my cognitive pre-perceptions, which makes me question a lot of what I do.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately. If I were to metaphysically remove myself from my first person perspective and inhabit someone across the room or table from me I would be curious as to how my new third person self would perceive my first person reactions and conversation. I generally find myself pretty boring so I probably wouldn't be all that impressed. Not that I have impressed anyone with conversation, but I'm sure you understand my point. I even wonder if I would make myself laugh. I laugh at myself all of the time, but that's because all the funny things I say are photogenically transcribed in my mind before I say them. That's why I'm typically not good at one liners or the telling of prefabricated jokes.

I wonder if anyone who is self aware also has a strong sense of self. I'm also curious if one could have the reverse effect. I suppose there are people like that. Actors, elite salesmen, celebrity icons are all people who understand how others perceive them and manipulate their behavior accordingly, to attain their most desired result.

That's why I never really made a good salesman. I was more concerned about how annoying sales pitches were and would spare customers the grief. I wanted to help people, not sell them something they didn't need. I was more the wikipedia than the infomercial and I think people really appreciated that. If people wanted it they waned it, if they didn't they didn't. I couldn't have cared less. I had a lemonade stand once and it sucked. I had lemonade there in case anyone was driving by and thirsty, but I wasn't going to make a spectacle about lemonade being the most thirst quenching drink while driving your car through a neighborhood and seeing two little kids with a jug of lemonade and dixie cups. I probably made fifty cents, with my parents secretly slipping in the other quarter.

As of today, I'm still surprised when the kids at work are yelling my name and giving me dap every time they see me. I wish I could experience that metaphysical transformation for a day, so I'd begin to understand that and see myself from someone else's perspective. I wonder how my life would change. I wonder if it would change at all. Then again, I'd probably grow a pony tail and yell at people to buy my new exercise machine.